Let’s talk about faking orgasms

Harry: »What are you saying, that they fake orgasm?«

Sally: »It’s possible.«

Harry: »Get outta here!«

When Harry met Sally he couldn’t believe it. Yet according to our research 49 percent of people (including both men and women) have faked an orgasm at some point in their lives.

While ‘faking orgasms’ might be something some people simply do, there might be more to it. The science looking at those who have stopped faking orgasms may be the key to unlocking new knowledge about sex and satisfaction.

Why do people stop faking?

While most of the extant literature focuses on why people fake orgasms, in my most recent research, we answered the question: Why do people stop faking orgasms? And the answer seems clear: increased confidence and improved sexual communication.

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But why does it matter, if you fake your orgasms? It does, because faking orgasms might be a symptom of discontent and lower satisfaction about something in our lives that bubbles up in the bedroom.

If you are someone who currently fakes orgasms, just know you are not alone and that it can change. Here are some suggestions on how to slow down, spice up and turn around your sex life.

First step is accepting it

Our research showed that one of the reasons why people stop faking orgasms is that they become more comfortable with not having one.

If you are someone who currently fakes orgasms, just know you are not alone and that it can change

This is an important perspective, because sex does not need to include an orgasm to be good, and pleasure does not necessarily equate to having an orgasm. While this is something that might not be a commonly held belief, sex can indeed be fun, pleasurable and exciting without orgasms.

Other reasons why people stopped faking orgasms include that they started communicating to their partner what they liked, and because their partner started paying more attention to their desires and preferences.

Let’s talk about sex

The above underlines the importance of communicating with your partner. Talking about sex is an important relational skill, crucial for the development and maintenance of sexual relationships. In our research, we saw that those who communicated with their partner about sex more frequently had higher sexual, relationship and life satisfaction.

Call to action: Talk to your partner about your preferences! Just like when you are at a restaurant and are looking to share a couple of dishes, you and your partner both need to be aware of each other’s likes and dislikes to be able to choose from the menu the things you are going to enjoy the most. Bon appétit!

Play around

In our research on why people stop faking orgasms, we also asked the respondents about their use of sex toys. We found that among those who currently fake orgasms, many use sex toys alone. And, among those who had never faked an orgasm or had stopped faking, more people were using sex toys with a partner.

What our results may be telling us is that those people who did not fake orgasms might be involved in more open conversations with their sexual partners. This is because it requires active communication to feel safe in introducing sex toys in your sex life.

A last hot tip

In Denmark, sex toys are becoming less stigmatized and we’re starting to see them everywhere. On ads at the bus stops, in big, beautifully coloured shops on the street, and even on the shelves at the ‘Normal’ stores.

27 percent of participants stopped faking orgasms thanks to changes they made in their sex lives

However, some stigma still remains, and whether you want to use sex toys is completely up to you. As well as whether you use them alone or with company, or both. Nonetheless, we want to underline the pros of sex toy use as a fun bonus that can support your health and wellbeing.

And then a last hot tip: remember how fun the water slides were back in the day? And how terrible it felt to slide on a piece of dry plastic? Yeah… Lubricants can be your allies.

Not only can it be the perfect mood starter to get comfy with a massage, but it will also prevent micro tears and pain, as well as condom tears and breakage. Increasing pleasure, supporting wellbeing, helping prevent tears. Nothing but wins.

Don’t despair

At the end of the day: If you find yourself faking more than enjoying, if you don’t talk about sex with your partner, or are stressing over achieving an orgasm, don’t despair. There are better days ahead!

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According to my research, 27 percent of participants stopped faking orgasms thanks to changes they made in their sex lives. Increased comfort with their own personal experience of sex, or more open and active sexual communication with a partner, brought betterment and improvement.

So, whether it’s in front of a mirror, or together with your partner, how about you go have a chat?